Fictional Poker Story – "Losing it All"

My friend and I had this brilliant marketing idea to bring poker players to our new website. The entire plan involved over ¾ of a million dollars, a high stakes internet game, and a lot of rail birds. Words spreads like wild fire on the internet and we had this idea to abuse the system.

The idea came while watching two high stakes players at Prima. There was $500,000 sitting on the table between the both of them. People were talking about the game all over the internet. At the time I was playing some low stakes games at Prima when I heard about it. To my dismay I wasn’t the first one to watch these psychos betting more than my house was worth. Over 1000 people were watching the game throughout the night which I thought was pretty amazing. The day after I was reading posts all over the internet about this game and how some pots were well over $500,000. I typed one of the players screen name in Google 2 weeks later and found over 2,000,000 results.

Then it dawned on me. That’s how I’m going to get people to my new poker website. My alias screen name will be my website name so when people look for my screen name in Google our site will show up. I’m going to stage a fake high stakes game and blow the last one out of the water. Sounds like a great idea but man did I mess things up.

All this free advertising and I only have to pay like $300 in rake costs. I called up a couple friends who were building the website with me. The idea didn’t go over too well with them at first until I showed them the potential.

Out of the four of us we had a total of $300,000. Not bad considering most of us were blue collar workers.

“We need at least $500,000 more to make this work.” I said.

“Dude, there’s no way someone is just going to give us that kind of cash”. Tom said.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this.” I said.

I picked up the phone and called this guy I knew from work. He was real heavy into illegal stuff. I never really asked what he did but he was loaded. Porches, mansions, and a membership at the golf course where I was working at were what this guy lived for. For a possible drug dealer he sure loved to play golf. The guy has lost over $10,000 in one month to me playing golf. He loved a good gamble so I called him up.

Me: “What’s up Shane?”

Shane: “Not much bro, you looking for a game.”

Me: “Nah man I got a huge favor to ask you.”

Shane: “That &#($& boss of yours giving you shit again about being late? I told you if he ever tries to fire you I’m going to get one of my guys to bury him in the bunker on 18.”

Me: “Ha. I got a big one to ask of you.”

So I told him the plan. For whatever its worth this guy is the man. He didn’t even hesitate before he said, “done.”

Combining the amount my friends and I scraped together with the $500K Shane loaned we had $800k.

The whole plan was to play heads up poker for about 4 hours consistently losing to each other on purpose until all the buy-ins built up the pot on the table. Remember you can only buy-in with $40,000 max so we needed to do some major chip dumping to each other.

I and Tom, the guy who was going to play me heads up sat down at 6:00 pm and began playing. When we first sat nobody was there. After about an hour of playing maybe 20 people were watching. The railbirds were talking their normal gossip about how they could take us if they had that kind of money.

The game went as planed and the final pot reached our goal amount of $799,579. It beat out the biggest hand in online poker by over $350,000 and we were sure to make headlines with it. Tom exited out of the poker room before I could even sit out and another player was in line to play me.

Wouldn’t’ you know it, I was dealt pocket aces. There was no way I was going to fuck around with money that wasn’t mine. I pushed all in thinking the guy would just fold. If he did call then hell it was up to the poker gods to let my aces hold up. The son of a bitch had pocket aces too. What the hell are the chances of that? No, what the hell are the chances that he wins with an Ace high flush? Probably slim but god damit, it happened.

What turned out to be a quick scheme to get people visiting our site turned out to be a $40,000 loss. I had to get it back. Three people called me at once. I picked it up and it was Tom.

Tom: “What the f#($ are you doing? You just lost $40,000. Are you a #*$&ing retard?”

Me: “I gotta get it back man. I can’t afford to lose that kind of money.”

I hung up the phone before he had time to bitch me out some more. What am I going to do now? Three hands later and I was down another $80,000. Well I’m #&$(ed now. There’s no turning back at this point. The batteries on my mouse crapped out and I fumbled trying to put new ones in. My hands were shaking so bad I could barely even use the mouse pad to click the “deal me out” button for a few hands.

One hour later I’ve got $82,000 left. Someone barges in my door and it’s Tom. He’s running frantically towards my lap top. Oh my god we’re dead.

“What have you done!”

You could tell he was really flipping because his head was shaking back and forth trying to spit out words but all that kept coming out of his mouth was “What have you done:”

He picks up my laptop like he’s going to throw it down the hall.

“I don’t know man. I’m so sorry I just couldn’t go out like that.” I mumbled.

Another $40,000 hit left me with $42K and some change. Well I’m fucked now. I could hear Tom in the other room screaming all sorts of profanity about how his wife was going to kill him after she finds out I just lost their life savings.

Now I wish I could tell you I came back from that $42,000 to win it all back. That was not the case. No more than 30 minutes later it was all gone. Eight hundred thousand lost dollars, 3 peoples lives ruined, and one mad drug addict are what I had to look forward to.

Tom stayed over my house that night because he couldn’t bear to go home to his wife and tell her what happened. I didn’t know what to do. Eight hundred thousand dollars doesn’t come over night. The first thought that crossed my mind was what I was going to tell Shane. Let’s just say he wasn’t as understanding when I told him about the lost money. Turns out he was having his own problems with whatever it is that he does. He needed the money back.

Great now I’m totally fucked. Besides being broke I’m going to be the one in 18th greenside bunker. I figured I’d blow off some steam by checking my email. Two hundred and ninety two messages. What’s this all about?

Turns out the poker strategy e-book we were selling on our site exploded with purchases. I checked the stats on how many people visited our site. Over 50,000 in one night. Up approximately 49,695 from the night before. The plan worked and we made just about $30,000 in sales after night one. It didn’t stop there. One week later and the total sales made it up to $250,000.

The story of our game made it to all the big internet poker websites and people were taking a look at our site like mad. We didn’t quite make enough to fully get what we put in but made it darn close. Needless to say I haven’t played poker since.

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Anonymous Retard
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